Dating Disasters
Dear Dr. Marlowe,
This happened about 12 years ago. It was a guy at work that my mom really liked. Something about him didn't feel right to me though, but finally because she kept peskering me, I went on the date.He was a gentleman at first...paid for everything and opened the car door for me.
We went to a drive-in movie, and during the movie, he started scooting closer and closer towards me. So I inched farther and farther away, til I was practically out the car door!
He put his head on my shoulder and gazed up longingly at me. Ewwww...get away! As soon as he put his hand on my lap, I bolted.
Here's the funny part. Three weeks later he got busted for credit card fraud. Loooser!! After that, I never let mom pick my dates for me.
Besides telling him not to commit fraud, what other advice would you have for this guy, Dr. Marlowe?
- Brenda
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Brenda,
Yup, stay away from those criminals!
You bring up an interesting point which relates to Malcolm Gladwell's excellent book, Blink. People make "blink" decisions based on their gut. You had a feeling about this guy, and it turns out you were right.
The problem arises when you meet a quality guy, but because he's lacking confidence or hasn't gotten laid in a while, or whatever, he can send out an "off" vibe. He's worth going out with, but because something isn't completely congruent, girls dismiss him.
Dudes need to realize that as unfair as this can be, those first few seconds can make a huge impact on a girl. Every chick out there is having her "blink" moments. Sometimes these are accurate, sometimes not. As a man, you need to learn how to maximize your chances during those critical moments.
Onto the date.
It sounds like the thing that has stuck out the most in your memory, aside from his creepy vibe, was how he touched you. Here's what I'd point out to this dude:
The way you tried to escalate physically is how EVERY guy tries to escalate. By now, this routine is so cliche that girls EXPECT it.
So don't be every guy. Be different. If she expects you to slyly put the moves on her, don't do it. Work in your touch any other way.
Be bold and slam her against the car door for a make-out.
Be playful and tickle her when she cracks a joke.
Be seductive and lean in to smell her neck while pulling back her hair.
There are many ways to get her aroused and receptive to your escalation besides trying to fly in under the radar.
In any case, sounds like fate caught up with him!
- EM
