Dating Disasters
Dear Dr. Marlowe,
I went on a date this Monday to dinner and a movie. Wow what a nightmare! I can't even make this stuff up.
First of all, he tried to kiss me from the very first minute we met, and then at least 50 times after that. Each time, he'd ask me if it was okay to kiss me. Finally in the movie he got angry and said, “Fine! I'm never gonna try to kiss you again!”Besides that, he kept hugging me and holding my hand. During the entire movie he put his hand on my lap even though my arms were crossed. I just ignored it. Most of the night he would pull me in next to him when I clearly wanted some space. Ugh!
During dinner our conversation revolved around his need to settle down. He made it repeatedly clear that he wasn't interested in "playing games," and wanted to know my decision. “Take it or leave it,” he said over and over. “If we're not compatible, I don't want to waste my time.”
ON OUR FIRST DATE!!!
Then when I tried to change the topic, he didn't pay any attention to me. His eyes wandered all over the restaurant, checking out everybody…except me. He cut me off any time I spoke, so I eventually asked, “Can I finish my story?” The rest of the night he did most of the talking, but it was completely about his relationship needs.
He did ask me what I was thinking whenever I went quiet. Of course, if I told him what I was thinking, he cut me off and started talking again.
Later we ran into some of his friends, but he totally ignored me and didn't introduce me to them. This went on for about 10 minutes.
At the end of the date I gave him a kiss on his cheek, which made him angry. He ran off in a huff.
I didn't hear from him til yesterday, not even to say he had fun. Then he sent me this:
“Have you given any thought to my Monday night rant?”
Come on!
So what do you think, Dr. M? Can this dude be turned into a man by our next date?? Other than that, he was cute lol!
- Kelly
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Kelly,
Haha! By your next date? Proooooobably not. But he does sound like just the kind of guy we work with.
As me and my wing Brian like to say, "Girl, you got chumped!"
Here are the things I'd correct with him if he were a student at Man School...
1. Don't give girls ultimatums like this. If she likes you, you'll know. This tactic rarely ever works. I personally take 2-3 months of dating a girl before I know if she's worth investing in as a monogamous relationship. After a couple hours on a first date neither person knows the other well enough to make this kind of commitment.
2. Girls like it when men are dominant and assertive. But if he's being overly grabby and kissy, and keeps trying to pull you in when you're not attracted, this ends up looking needy and clingy. Not good.
3. Movie and a dinner is not a very exciting first date. You can't get to know a girl at a movie, and dinner is unimaginative and boring. There are a ton of better ideas.
4. Send a follow-up text after the date to let her know you had fun, or thanking her for coming out, or anything that shows basic courtesy. Again, sending an ultimatum is rude and ridiculous.
5. Be present with your date. When she's talking, stay focused on her and only her. Acknowledge what she just said, and respond in turn. Don't take up the entire date blabbing about anything, let alone your relationship needs. Girls can't invest in you if they aren't allowed to share information and feelings about themselves.
6. If a girl turns down your physical advances, NEVER get angry. Just laugh it off and try again when she's more receptive.
7. If you run into some of your friends, be courteous and bring her into the conversation. Always integrate her into your social circle if the opportunity arises.
Sorry you had to suffer this misery, Kelly. Send him my way and I'll get his butt in shape!
- EM
