The Art of Romance
Part One
I was sitting in a Cuban restaurant with chicky one night, when she informed me I wasn't romantic enough.
This didn't surprise me. For one thing, I have a long history of being overly romantic at the expense of not being sexual enough. As a result, I was always viewed as a boyfriend first, lover distant second. Once I realized what was happening, I made an effort to cast myself as a lover with boyfriend potential.
So I then deliberately withheld romance in many of my interactions, not wanting girls to get too attached, nor to think of me as a boyfriend. I'd become so effective at this, that when I did develop love for a woman, she was extremely skeptical.
All those romance novels, all those chick flicks…what exactly makes them appealing to women and not to men? It's something hard-wired or biochemical for sure, but what exactly?
I needed to find out.
And on a practical note, I needed to know how to implement romance in such a way that women viewed me as Prince Charming, not some sniveling, supplicating wussy who stalks her at work and sends her 50 texts a day about his undying love. It's not enough to feel desire and express that to a woman, you gotta do it in a way that's alluring to her.
Power and love. Sex-worthy and romantic. You can certainly have one trait without the other, but why not try to possess both in balance? I think it's the fear of looking like a chump, of seeming less than powerful, that inhibits a lot of guys from fully embracing romance.
Here now is my attempt to categorize the basic principles of romance as I see them. This will help guys understand what it means and know how to apply it in their relationships.
Obsession
Obsessive behavior is considered decidedly unromantic by most people I've talked to. And yet, this behavior is pervasive in romantic films and books, indicating there must be something to it. Bottom line, take this for what it's worth, realizing if miscalibrated it can be seen as extremely weird.
One thing you'll see over and over in films is a guy stalking a woman, and her finding this romantic. Or he's totally infatuated with everything about her. It's John Cusack standing outside her window with the boom box in Say Anything... It's Nick Cage sneaking back into the house party and waiting in the shower in Valley Girl. It's Spartacus telling his woman…
“I want to know all about you. Every line. Every curve. I want to know every part of you. Every beat of your heart.”
In tiny measured amounts at the right time, this can come across as alluring to women. It means that something has come over you – against your better judgment – that is inexplicably compelling you towards this girl.
But beware: Hollywood movies are stylized and rely on the character developing over a couple hours to get to the point where obsessive behavior is appealing. If Cusack were holding that stereo at the beginning of the movie, that would just be plain creeperville. So use with great caution or you may find yourself with a restraining order on your ass.
Needless to say, the girl needs to be into the guy for this to work. If she doesn't have those same feelings, the result is icky.
Emotionally Charged Words
Telling a girl you're gonna bang her isn't romantic, though at the right moment it can be powerful. You have to describe the details of the event, your emotions, her emotions. You can still be steamy and hot in your language without being utterly explicit. Here's an excerpt of a love scene from the novel Slow Burn by Garwood:
Her nails gently scored his shoulder blades as she arched up against him.
The pleasure she gave him intensified. He slowly withdrew and then thrust inside her again. She increased the pace, demanding more and more of him until they were both mindless to the world around them. Only the two of them existed, and for that short time, there were no problems, no fears, no insecurities.
She reached a shuddering heart-stopping orgasm before he did. She cried out and squeezed him, forcing his own climax.
As an exercise, try to avoid use of any explicit words, and instead use some of the above when speaking to a woman.
Be attentive to details
Remember and notice things that are important to her. Listen closely to her. Even when it seems she doesn't care about something, she could care very much. Make mental notes of anything she comments on, and use this to show you've been attentive.
Compliment her on things she's proud of, not necessarily something that others would recognize. By personalizing the compliment, it becomes far more meaningful.
Settings
Sunsets on the beach, a view from a mountaintop, a candle-lit dinner table. Some settings lend themselves to romance. However be aware that for many women the setting is secondary to the gesture. A romantic offering works, even if on a busy city street. Don't rely too heavily on the setting to do your work for you.
Gestures
Often if you simply state to a woman what your intention or desire is, that gesture suffices as romantic. For example if she is in need of something but you can't be there to help, telling her you wish you could help is many times enough.
Opening a door, likewise, is an effortless task which may not take much work, but that gesture implies your desire to serve her. Always be mindful of these gestures since they can speak volumes to women.
The full 3-part article is available to Man School students.
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